I realized something quite extraordinary a couple days ago. Here is my attempt to put into writing the pieces of fresh understanding.
Being a mom occupies about 90% of my time. And probably 96% of my efforts. If doing loads of little people laundry, changing diapers, training, correcting, disciplining, preparing kid-friendly meals, finding creative ways to help my kids play, trips to the library, mall, & playground, checking mouths for crayon bits, flushing unflushed toilets, hoping stains come out of newly purchased clothing, reorganizing my wallet again because it fell into the wrong hands, explaining why watching television all day is not an option, telling my 21-month old again to take his hand out of his diaper(!), laughing when my kids find a box of tampons and use them as "tools," making sure everyone has shoes when we leave the house...
*sigh*
As much as I love (or have come to accept) all of these things, God has designed me to do things that don't just fall under the mom (or wife) category. I realized that my discontent with life lately has not been because of the things I'm doing, it's because of things I'm not doing. Brad and I had a great conversation where I articulated this and I'm resolved to make some changes. I have to choose to make room for the things that God has placed within me as a woman, not because I'm a mom or a wife. I think it's important that we, as women, find motivation in life that isn't related to parenting, house-keeping, or serving a husband.
We've long heard women in our secular culture encouraging others to "make time for themselves" in the way of make-overs, pedicures, manicures, and massages. Join a fitness center. Enjoy Starbucks once a week. But what I'm talking about is finding the treasures, gifts, and talents God has placed within us - long before motherhood or marriage took the stage. Maybe you have been created to mentor younger women or perhaps you've always longed to lead worship and just need to take steps to learn an instrument. Do you love hosting dinner parties or organizing ladies night out? Perhaps it's making a meal for an elderly neighbor or designing a flyer for an upcoming church event.
For me, it's writing. I've talked about writing a book for a long time and have gone through seasons where the burden ebbs and flows, where time makes it difficult, and where my self-confidence lags. But guess what?! I wrote the first chapter yesterday! I sat at my computer for 30 minutes and it flowed off my fingertips like honey. I have not often felt the power and presence of the Holy Spirit as strong as I did while writing.
God is empowering me to live the life that He desires - and I have come to see that not expressing this passion diminishes my ability to give God glory which in turn diminished my happiness. Malachi 3:8 says that we rob God in the way of our offerings (defined as something offered in worship or devotion). You have been created to offer yourself as a living sacrifice in this Great Story and without your talents fully-functional, we are missing letters, sentences, and paragraphs.
Go ahead, write your chapter.
