The 10pm Nap

...and other things you didn't know about having a newborn.

I'm continually amazed at the surprises that await new moms. Several of my friends are having babies lately and many of our conversations (though few and far between while juggling our changing schedules) revolve around the things we never knew or forgot about having a baby. Sure, there are dozens (hundreds?!) of books about having a baby but I think they focus more on how to take care of a new baby than prepare you for the nuances. So in an effort to make light of the sweet things of newborn-ville and remind you that you are not alone, here are some things you might discover in your baby's first four months of life!

1. The 10pm Nap. No longer the beginning of a stretch of dreams and quiet, your normal bedtime will become the start of a nap. You'll be up within the next 2-4 hours, feeding the sweet thing. So forget taking sleeping pills and prepare to be tired. VERY tired. It could be months and months before you get a full night of sleep.

2. The "Sleep while s/he is sleeping" advice is darn near impossible. While this is meant to encourage new moms to rest, I found that it was a complete challenge. Once the baby falls asleep and assuming you can put it down (see number 3), you will find 1.) you're not tired, 2.) that laundry, dishes or some other chore must be done, or 3.) your favorite show has just started. You will start a load of something, wipe down the counters, eat something and pee, then fatigue will start to set in and just as you curl up with your head on the pillow, the baby will wake up. No joke.

3. Your baby will sleep best (and possibly only) while being held. By you. By your spouse. By a grandparent. By a stranger at the grocery store. It's wonderful that babies require such physical touch and cuddling, and believe me, I love to snuggle with my kids and realize they won't always voluntarily crawl into my arms. But after working for 15...30...60 minutes to get your baby to sleep, you'll hold your breath and place it in bed, only to find it waking up immediately. We resorted to arranging pillows and blankets and the boppy (stopping just short of a heating pad but considered it!) to simulate our arms but that little nugget will know the difference! Argh!

4. Is my baby breathing? One of my most vivid memories of Zoë's first days was sleeping with the light on. She was in the bassinet next to my side of our bed but I couldn't bring myself to turn off the light because I wanted to make sure she was breathing. I was afraid to fall asleep because I was just positive she would stop breathing. It's so frustrating but most every mom experiences this fear. You'll be desperate for the baby to sleep for 5-6 hours and as soon as she does, you'll wake up in the middle of the night and rush to her quiet room, thinking it's only because she's passed out. Really. This happens.

5. The Phantom Cry. When you finally get a moment or two to shower, you'll swear you hear the baby's cries muffled by the sound of the running water. You'll hop out, soaked and covered in shampoo to check on the darling, only to find he's fast asleep and not making a noise. WTHeck?!

6. Your brain will change. I love how God created a portion of a woman's brain to start functioning as soon as the baby comes out. For nine months, your pregnancy required no mental thought to create the baby - it just happened on its own. Motherhood, however, requires every ounce of brain matter to remember, organize, structure, function, cope, and manage diapers, feedings, clothing, formula, pacifiers, naps, meals, and hygiene ALL while worrying about germs, growth rates, a healing mommy's body, and comparing yourself to every other mom in the world. Embrace the change.

7. Breast feeding might be best....but Similac/Enfamil/Gerber will make you think otherwise. By the time Tucker was born, I had seven (7!) full-size samples of formula in our closet. I mean, COME ON! There is nothing more tempting than giving up nursing when "the answer" sits in a hidden corner of your pantry. In just one pregnancy, the formula industry sent me over $100 worth of products to lure me in. It's worked every time. :-( You are not a bad mom for giving your baby formula.

8. Pacifiers are a blessing...and a curse. "Do you have the pacifier?" became as common as making sure we had the baby when leaving the house. I am so thankful for something that provides a sense of peace to soothe when my baby needs it but hate the dependancy it creates. It doesn't stay in. It gets dirty. They get lost as easily as ponytail holders and are only found when not needed. There are so many kinds (silicone? latex?) and are only cheap because you'll go through dozens in just twelve months.

9. You will expect the father of your baby to be a mother. You and your husband will care for the baby differently. Very differently. I believe that God created the woman to be the primary caretaker of children and this applies to newborns, too. I don't believe it's meant to be a 50/50 partnership of shared feedings, diaper changes, and wardrobe updates. He won't know when to feed the baby because you did the last feeding. He won't know if the diaper needs changing because you put on the last clean one. He'll want to hold the baby but won't offer to take it from you because you're its mother and wild animals kill anyone who tries to take their baby. He won't warm up the water for the bottle because you told him it was too hot last time. He won't get up in the middle of the night because he has to work the next day and doesn't even have an opportunity for a nap. He will try very, very hard to be a great dad but he's just not sure what that means and he's so overwhelmed with love and responsibility for this sweet bundle of joy that he doesn't want his weakness to make a mess of it. But he will be a great dad, if you let him.

Welcome to motherhood and take hope! Do you know the strength and power that resides in your heart? Do you know that you'll lose your life as you raise this child and surrender its every purpose to God? You'll die to yourself throughout every moment and realize how many rights you think you still possess. But your character will be beautiful as it's refined. You are not alone - God is with you and He's the perfect parent. He has all wisdom and knowledge for every challenge you're facing with Sweet Pea. He is our strength in moments of weakness. He provides friends who also go through the fires of motherhood, some who have gone before, some who walk alongside us, and some have yet to start the journey.

You are not alone!

Hello World!

Yikes! Last post was September?! Until just a few weeks ago, my excuse was pregnancy and two kids so don't ask how I'm able to sit down and write a coherent thought with three. Let's just call it a miracle...all three are napping so what better way to write about the greatest news of our year? There were so many things different about this pregnancy and one day I'll write a detailed entry about my struggles through the first and second trimester but TODAY, I want to remember how Tucker Jack made his entry into this world.

According to my calculations, our second boy was due to arrive around February 1st. It was confirmed with multiple sonograms and my midwife's date showed February 3rd so when 2011 knocked at our door, we had at least a month to prepare. I had a "Pre-Baby Checklist" of items that needed purchasing and projects around the house. Brad and I talked about what needed to happen with Zoe (5) and Colby (newly 3) before the baby's arrival. Words like "gentle" and "please be patient" and "quiet please" needed to make their way to the forefront of our vocabulary. But most of all, we were still working on naming the little boy - I needed more time!!

My favorite part of Tucker's early arrival is that I cannot take an ounce of credit. God made Himself known as my Good and Sovereign King throughout every step. I had learned so much humility through Colby's labor & delivery that I was pushed to my knees from the moment we had a positive pregnancy test. I prayed. I asked God for really big miracles. I struggled with the balance of having faith for the "unseen and yet to come" and yet guarding my heart against human expectations. I prayed and prayed and then I prayed some more.

Tuesday night, January 4th

We took the kids to Chick-Fil-A for family night (free kids meals!) and came home for a dance party. (We have these a lot at our place right before bedtime.) While the kids shook their hips and laughed with Brad, I sat in the rocking chair and made a point to remember the moment. Knowing we'd soon have a little newborn and grow to a family of five, this stage of life was coming to a close so I wanted to embrace the image. I made another mental note to plan a "just the four of us" party before the end of the month. We all went to bed at our normal times; Brad took a double dose of melatonin.

Wee hours of January 5th (apologies if this is TMI...)

The sensation of gushing water between my legs woke me up at 1:45am and I rushed into our bathroom. I sat there and yelled to Brad (deep in a mela-coma): "I think my water broke." I was barely 36 weeks along and couldn't believe this was happening. I called my sweet midwife, Donna, who was in deep sleep and not expecting a call from me for another month! She instructed us to call when contractions got close together. I changed into my birthing gown & robe and donned a lovely pair of Depends. We started washing clothes (no newborn stuff was ready) and packed an overnight bag, in case we had to go to the hospital.

Around 6am, I had a few contractions that were just a few minutes apart so we called and asked Donna to come. My labors with Zoe and Colby were 3.5 hours and 4.5 hours so I expected similar results and didn't want my husband delivering our premie baby. Donna arrived but my contractions disappeared. The kids went to my parents but labor came to a standstill. All. Day. I would go over an hour without a contraction and started wondering how soon I'd have to go to the hospital. I was so thankful for a husband who was peaceful and prayerful and a midwife that exudes authority and peace and wisdom. I was never fearful just perplexed and trusting that we had heard the Lord about a third home birth.

Donna left early afternoon and we tried to rest. I ate Mexican food, hoping to "spice up" my labor. I tried to sleep but mostly rested until we crawled into bed at 9pm. I laid there for an hour and finally moved to Zoe's empty bed to elude my husband's snoring. (Sorry, babe.)

Thursday, January 6th

Labor finally began just after midnight with contractions intensifying and regulating. At that point, I was JOYFUL to have a painful contraction and relieved to be in labor. God knew what I needed. The birth team arrived (midwife, assistant, and student) and I was hurting and serious. Unlike previous labors, I found that focusing on random objects (the door hinge or screw head) helped me breathe. I talked out loud to myself, like my own personal coach. I could feel the transition and knew our baby boy was making his way to our arms.

Just before 6am, I could feel the little boy moving down to make his arrival. I had forgotten the pain of the last few moments of labor. Donna later compared it to a freight train and she was right: I lost it. Donna's voice calmed me down and I pushed with eager desperation. Whew, he was OUT! He was sticky and crying and beautiful and perfect.

He was on me within seconds and I just kept calling him my "sweet boy" and Brad's voice filled his ears. And though we didn't give him a name for another, we know that God established his identity before time and calls him by name. And we like to call him Tucker. Tucker Jack Thompson. Who weighed exactly seven and a half pounds - can he still be called a premie?!?!

As I finish this entry and remember back to the moment God told me that this baby boy was for me - for my heart and for my joy - I am overwhelmed with love for a child I had often wished away and second-guessed. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!